Sunday, March 15, 2009

You Can Never Go Back

What I miss from pseudo-courting my first crush was the pleasures of small moments: her compliment here and there, half an hour shared together, the discovery of common interests. That's not to say I don't have those small moments anymore--in fact, they're what I most look forward to--but the biggest difference is that the first experience wasn't tinged with dread or fear. These days, I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope, and a misspoken word or statement will cause me to tumble down. A part of me is expecting failure, complete with fireworks and all. So far it hasn't happened yet but the fear is always there.

I could easily describe my experience with my first crush as naivete. Be that as it may, I was embracing the moment wholly, with no thought of what might happen next.

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